Wild West Relay Freakout: Phase II

Is it me, or does the route look a bit hilly?
As I wouldn't want to unfairly steal someone else's hard work,
I will fairly steal by giving the correct credit for this lovely
poster to: "Runner/cartographer Paul Petersen of MarathonGIS
has created beautiful poster souvenir maps of the WWR route.
They will be for sale at the finish line for $20 and will be
packed in a mailing tube. "

So last night I actually took the time to read the "last minute instructions" from the race director...holy shit, there is a lot of important stuff to remember in there! A sampling of gems:

"The Friday forecast (and it will probably change between now and then) for the Fort Collins area is currently for a high of 84 degrees and isolated thunderstorms. So remember to bring your sunscreen AND rain gear, and take extra effort to hydrate, hydrate, hydrate! The first 13 legs do not offer much if any shade.Walden will have a drastic change in temperature as a low of 41 degrees and scattered showers are forecasted for Friday night, so don't forget warm clothes." HMMM, A RANGE OF TEMPS ANYWHERE FROM 40-90, POSSIBLY WITH RAIN AND LIGHTNING. PERFECT.

"If you want to leave your car at the tour center during the relay, Budweiser requires a parking pass to be placed on your dashboard - you can download the pass here. Any cars left in the paved Tour Center parking lot WILL BE TOWED. Violators will be responsible for the towing and impoundment fee." FUCK, NOW I HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT REMEMBERING TO BRING THAT PASS.

"...So running down the road with your ears shut off from reality is one of the most unsafe things you can do. So headphones/earbuds/iPods, even if in just one ear, are prohibited and violators will have their entire team disqualified." YEAH, YEAH I KNOW IT'S UNSAFE TO WEAR AN IPOD...BUT I COUNT ON MY TUNES TO KEEP ME GOING SOMETIMES. LIKE WHEN I HAVE TO RUN 6 MILES AT 2:00 IN THE MORNING. COURSE, I DO NEED TO BE ABLE TO HEAR THOSE COWS COMING...

""Open Range" is a ranching term. This means cattle are roaming freely and are not penned in by fences. You will encounter this situation on the Wyoming section of the relay route. There's nothing quite as scary as coming around a bend in the dark and finding black cows standing in the middle of the road." YEAH, I'LL SAY. IF I ENCOUNTER A COW, THAT BEYOTCH IS GETTIN' TIPPED.

"In the cattle country sections of the route, there are many cattle guards. The purpose of a cattle guard is to keep cattle on their owner's property. Placing a piece of plywood on the guard to make it easier for runners defeats the purpose of the cattle guard. DO NOT RUN OVER THE GUARD - slow down and cross carefully - prevent getting a sprained ankle or worse." WTF DOES A CATTLE GUARD LOOK LIKE, AND HOW WILL I KNOW IF I'VE ENCOUNTERED ONE?

Ah, so THAT'S a cattle guard. Shit.

"In addition, any road hazards have not been marked! Keep your eyes open and run within your self." DO I KNOW HOW TO RUN "WITHIN" MYSELF?! I'M NOT SURE I DO...

"A common comment after a relay is how someone found themselves off the course. The signs are put in place many hours before runners appear. Therefore, anything can happen to them – the wind could blow them down or some idiot could move or steal them....Remember, a relay race is a form of an adventure race - runners and teams must pay attention and take responsibility for themselves. Therefore, if you get off the route, especially if you were not carrying a map, you will receive no sympathy." BUT I DEPEND ON THE SYMPATHY VOTE!

"Leg 36 starts on the Core Trail and goes through downtown and residential Steamboat. Study the route map carefully before you run this leg!!! The leg also crosses Lincoln Ave (the main drag through Steamboat). There is a stop light at this intersection. You are required to wait for a green light to cross. Steamboat will ticket jaywalkers. STUDY AND BRING YOUR MAP FOR THIS LEG!!!!" SHIT, THIS IS MY LEG. FUCK NOW I ALSO HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT REMEMBERING TO BRING MY MAPS. PREFERABLY LAMINATED. (AS ANOTHER BLOGGER RECENTLY NOTED, I TOO NEED TO GET IN THE MAP, JOEY TRIBIANI-STYLE, TO FIND MY WAY. AT LEAST IT WILL BE DAYLIGHT WHEN I DO THIS....I THINK.)

Wait, WHY am I doing this again? Oh yeah, to get this shirt, designed by Drew Litton:


  1. I'm sorry to say I got nothing for you... I'd be freaking too! HOLY SCHNIKE'S BATMAN!!!!!

  2. Welcome to Adventureland! If you tip a cow, I want an action shot!

  3. I feel your pain, sister, in that when you ensmallinated the font for the caption to that map at the beginning of your post, you never re-embiggened it and it (the font) went from 11-pt to 10-pt, which, to these Old (and Creepy; and Fat) Eyes, is barely legible and so I'm just assuming that what I felt trying to read the rest of your post is roughly the equivalent of Nocturnal Bovine Encounters and all the other good stuff you have to look forward to in your relay and so therefore I know how you feel. QED.

    Let's hope they use a larger font for the race course signs.

    Which won't really help much if the signs blow down or some d*ckwad steals them.

    (No, I do NOT mean me by "some d*ckwad"!1! I mean some other d*ckwad.)

    Is it just me, or does the dude in that shirt logo look like he pert-near has his head us that ass's @$$?


  4. That's a good Nebraska girl. You tip those cows!!!

    Seriously, the more I read about this, the more I think you're insane. :o) This is way more than a race. This is an official adventure series!

  5. Looks like a cool race. Well, cool in some parts and hot in others apparently. Hope it went well!